Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Disclaimer: Frankii Cruz has not been medically diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

However, you can rate the level of narcissistic behavior traits below to see if Frankii Cruz possesses the potential for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

4= often, 3= on occasion, 2= rarely, 1= never

__ Very competitive

__ Manipulative

__ Misleads and lies

__ Insensitive to your feelings

__ Controls you

__ Envious

__ Needs to be the center of attention

__ Demeaning

__ Self absorbed

__ Easily angered when confronted

__ Indirectly looks for attention

__ Feels their needs take priority over yours

__ Critical of your friends

__ Careless and impulsive


Add your total score. Scores should range anywhere from 14 through 56. A total score between 43 and 56 reflects that Frankii Cruz has the potential for excessive narcissistic qualities. A score between 29 and 42 indicates that Frankii Cruz has the potential for a high amount of narcissistic traits. A score between 14 and 28 illustrates that Frankii Cruz has the potential for a limited amount of narcissistic characteristics.

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What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder? A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning in early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.

3) believes that he is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

4) requires excessive admiration

5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his expectations

6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his own ends

7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him

9) shows arrogant, haughty behavior or attitudes

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Excerpts from Narcissistic Lover: written by Cynthia Zayn and Kevin Dibble

Still feeling confused about that crazy relationship? Are things still not adding up? Let me see if I have it straight. You say things appeared to be great when you first met him, almost "too good to be true," right?

In the beginning, he made you feel so appreciated. He complimented you by saying things like, "You are the perfect fit," "I have never had a relationship this special." One reason these statements made you feel so significant was that he told you stories of his previous partner who had been negative and demeaning. You were probably feeling sorry for him because he had such an unhealthy relationship prior to you.

Not too long into the relationship, however, I'm sure he began to make you feel insecure. Oh... you probably didn't quite notice it at first. Perhaps there were subtle put-downs or comparisons where you weren't the one coming out on top anymore. Let me guess, some of the very things he used to praise you for became the things he used against you. This was confusing to you.

Did you ever start to wonder if you were going crazy? Did things in your relationship sometimes make absolutely no sense whatsoever? Did he deny saying things that you knew for a fact he had said? Did he ever accuse you of being the one telling the lie or misconstruing his words? If you answered "yes" to a few of these questions, it is very possible you were dating, or are still dating, a narcissist.

According to recent studies, the causes of Narcissistic Personality Disorder are not known. However, it is believed to have its origins in the early childhood years and to have been influenced by parents, peers, or caregivers of those afflicted. During a particular state of personality development, either too much or not enough attention is given to a child who then learns to "love himself" or "depend only on himself" as a means of self-preservation.

Psychologists believe that the narcissist spends his life trying to re-live whatever went wrong at a particular time in his personality development. He finds more and more people with whom to reenact his life and each time he truly believes "This time I will get it right." So at the onset of your relationship, he really did believe you were the perfect fit, the best relationship, or his ideal love. He believed those things because he wanted to believe them, he needed to believe them. Because the narcissist feels unloved and insecure, he spends his life trying to find "ideal love." He believes in a perfect love that will end his search and stop his pain. He goes from relationship to relationship, sometimes without pause for recovery. This is baffling to those he leaves behind. How can he just move along like that... especially after things seemed so intense?

Is any of this "ringing a bell?" Have you wondered how he could just move on without blinking an eye? Have you wondered how strange it was that he replaced you so quickly?

Sure, there were some lows, all relationships have them, but you were willing to work them out and make things right. You thought the relationship was worth fighting for. He made you feel too special to just throw it all away. How could he tell you that you were so wonderful and then just walk away and never look back? And what about those in-between times when he said cruel things? Did you make excuses for him? You did, didn't you? You thought he wouldn't have said those things if he hadn't been under so much strain at the time, or maybe you felt as if you had provoked him into saying them.

Oh my friend, you have been completely "narcissised" and you don't even know it! The best way to heal from this type of abuse is to become educated about the disorder. After all, knowledge is power. There are websites devoted to Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Internet discussion forums for victims of narcissistic abuse. Books and articles have been written about different types of Narcissists and treatments for the disorder. Most psychologists and therapists, however, tend to agree that there is no cure for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Many who study Narcissistic Personality Disorder believe that during an important stage of personality development for the narcissist, a significant individual in his life needed him to be something other than what he was. The narcissist then felt as if he had to be different in order to be loved or accepted by that individual. This is known as "narcissistic injury" and it devastates the emerging "self" of the narcissist. Unable to be the person he truly is and still gain acceptance, the narcissist adapts by splitting his personality into a real and a false self. The narcissist learns to hide the "real" self because it's seen in a negative way. He tries to compensate for his "shortcomings" by creating a "special" self - a person who will be loved and admired by all.

We become mere objects to the narcissist. He never fully experienced love the way an emotionally healthy person does and therefore merges himself with his "objects"...us. This explains why the narcissist is unable to distinguish personal boundaries. All of the times he seemed to make himself at home, with your things or in your space, he wasn't actually feeling close to you. Instead, he was claiming it as his own, just as a toddler claims another toddler's toys by exclaiming, "MY BALL!"

Usually, the objects with which the narcissist chooses to merge, have traits or characteristics that the narcissist wishes himself to obtain. That is why he is drawn to people with strengths in certain areas [in the case of Frankii Cruz it is likely that the character strength in his women is their independence, financial, emotional, and housing stability]. Even though it seemed like chance that we were brought together, that the narcissist actually "hand-picked" us due to particular positive characteristics or strengths we possessed.

Narcissistic inury (that very first incident that caused the narcissist to split and form his "false" self) is replayed many times throughout the narcissist's life through his relationships with others. He spends so much time building himself up and inflating his "false" self. When anyone tries to interfere with the image he has so carefully created, he experiences an injured feeling. To protect him from that feeling, the narcissist uses different types of defense mechanisms. One such mechanism is "devaluation." By emotionally injuring others, he protects his "false" self. That is why he felt the need to insult you or make you feel badly about yourself.

Take a few moments and try to recall a time when he insulted you or made you feel negatively about yourself. Did it follow an incident in which you had perhaps corrected him in some way or criticized him about something? Did you try to explain how he could have possibly been mistaken or that perhaps he had said something he was denying having said? When threatened in such a way, those old and familiar insecurities begin to arise. The narcissist experiences narcissistic injury all over again. One way to crush those feelings is to devalue the person posing the threat. This gives the narcissist a feeling of superiority and control over that person. Control... even in a false sense, is very important to the narcissist.

At the onset of all relationships, the narcissist feels drawn to his partner because of her special strengths and characteristics. He wants those strengths to be a part of his "false" self. He admires them and mirrors them. Anything is better than the way he truly feels about himself. He will take on her personality in bits and pieces. He doesn't even realize he is doing this. Was there ever a time when he mimicked your own words? Did you ever say something to him only to have it played back to you later as if it were his own original idea? This is very common with those afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They merge so closely with their "objects" that they really seem to lose sight of where they end and their partner begins. Their partner's words become their own. Their partner's houses, cars, and even friends become their own.

But beware: to accept the possibility that you are dating or have dated a narcissist means you will have to accept the fact that he didn't consider you "special." And you must know that he wasn't capable of "real" love. Think back on the time spent with him. You now may possibly even see it as a waste. That is always very hard to do, especially for those who have spent many years trying to cultivate relationships with narcissists.

Many of us find it easier to find fault within ourselves than to put any of the blame on our partners. If we are ready for a relationship, we like to believe there is a "happily ever after." We will fight to maintain or work to cultivate toward that happy ending. When we feel that is being threatened in any way, we tend to strike out with our own defense mechanisms. One of those mechanisms is denial. We find ourselves pretending things aren't the way they seem. We make excuses for our partners or believe that things will get better "when" or "if."

The fact of the matter is, if we are dating a narcissist, things are not going to get better. Since the narcissist views us as mere objects, we aren't loved in the traditional sense of the word. We are tools the narcissist uses for his narcissistic supply. Narcissistic supply is anything the narcissist can use to help promote his "false" self. He needs others to lift him, to make him feel special to reinforce his belief that he is superior in many areas. As long as we are giving him that supply, we are considered useful to the narcissist. Initially he will mistakenly believe that feeling to be love. However, in reality, it is a drug... a way for him to elevate himself. And, as with all drugs, it will eventually lose it's potency. That is why the narcissist is always in constant search for new partners (new supply).

Haven't you ever wondered why he seemed to scan the room every time you were in public? Maybe he told you he liked observing people and that he was into "details." Did you ever wonder why he seemed to have several female "friends" that he kept in touch with even while you were together? The narcissist keeps supply on hand. Different people offer different supply to him. He will keep them around for as long as they continue to "buy into" his act and praise him for his "greatness." The moment they begin to see beyond the act or discontinue the praise he so desperately needs, he will discard them like an old shoe... like the objects they are to him.

Partners of the narcissist see his inconsistencies first hand, notice contradictions and, therefore, are more apt to criticize those things. That is when the narcissist will feel threatened, injured, and becomes defensive. The narcissist will begin devaluing his partner in order to regain control.

Unfortunately, after the narcissist has devalued his partner, she loses that "ideal" appeal to him and he sees her as "damaged goods." She is no longer necessary to him as supply and he begins to "discard" her by continuing the devaluation until the relationship is finally over. Many times the narcissist will start to line up new supply months before the relationship is officially over. Some have been known to sign up on Internet dating sites while still in relationships with their partners. The devaluation may have been ongoing for quite some time, but the partner, viewing the relationship as "normal," thinks they are just having problems and remains willing to work things out. She usually has no clue that she is the only one working to improve the situation. Does any of this sound familiar?

Narcissists have been compared to vampires. This analogy makes a lot of sense when breaking down the characteristics of the disorder. The vampire is considered to be damned and cursed with his fate, just as the narcissist is cursed with his disorder. Neither the vampire nor the narcissist willing chose his fate. The vampire uses people as tools and sources of supply to continue his existence... his constant, futile search for deliverance. The narcissist uses people as supply as well; he needs them to keep his "false self" alive while he continues his futile seach for "ideal" love and deliverance of the disorder which enslaves him. The vampire cannot see his own image in a mirror and neither can the narcissist. This is because the narcissist has worked so hard to keep his real image hidden. He spent years trying to create and cultivate his "false" self; he has pieced it together from bits of supply to which he was attracted. Therefore, when he glances into a mirror, he sees his supply staring back at him. He sees a cracked and plastered vision of several people, none of which are even remotely similar to the "vile and disgusting" real self he has carefully hidden.

Vampires are considered "soulless," doomed to roam the earth, snatching souls from innocent victims. Many people consider the narcissist to be "soulless" because he seems to have no conscience or pity for his victims. Victims of narcissists often say they feel as if their soul has been raped or even robbed by the narcissist. Like the vampire, the narcissist seems to roam the earth acting as a victim of his own disorder, gathering supply, almost unwillingly, as he searches for some sort of cure or deliverance. Destruction of the vampire comes about when he is exposed to light, and the narcissist will cease to exist when his "true" self is "brought to light."

Once those who are victims of narcissists accept the fact that their partners are afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, they sometimes find themselves feeling pity for the Narcissist. They refuse to believe there is no real cure for the disorder and they set out on a journey to "fix" the person.

According to the DSM, the narcissist has a grandiose sense of self-importance. He will often exaggerate his achievements and expects to be recognized as superior. He believes that he is special and that only "special" people or people of high-status and importance can understand him. He believes in "ideal" love and is constantly in search of it. He has fantasies of unlimited success, power, or beauty. He constantly needs admiration and praise. He has a sense of entitlement and takes advantage of others in order to achive his own goals. He is incapable of feeling empathy and cannot identify with the needs and feelings of others. He often has a snobby attitude or comes across as arrogant. He is envious of others and believes others are envious of him. In order to be diagnosed with an actual permanent Narcissistic Personality Disorder, five of the above critera need to be met. Many times the narcissist believes others are talking about him when they are not. Paranoia and bi-polar tendencies seems to be prevalent in narcissists as well.